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The Waiting Room

 

Holding a picture of an ultrasound, Laralin Worsham cried.

 

Grief was familiar to her. She had been through a lot in her life, but pain like this was not something she had seen coming. Worsham said by the look on the technician’s face, she knew something was wrong.

 

“It took a long time for me to heal emotionally,” Worsham said. “I still probably don't really feel healed from it, to be honest. I feel like I've reconciled that part of my life, but it's a loss that I would really never wish upon a single soul.”

 

Worsham experienced a “missed abortion,” which is when a pregnancy stops developing, but the body doesn’t recognize it. Most women have to either take medication to dispose of the tissue from the pregnancy or go through a dilation and curettage procedure. For someone with polycystic ovarian syndrome, she knew her chances of carrying a pregnancy were lower than the average person.

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"I feel like I've reconciled that part of my life, but it's a loss that I would really never wish upon a single soul."

-Laralin Worsham

 

However, she never thought that on a day where she was supposed to tell her friends and family she was pregnant, she would get heartbreaking news instead. For Worsham and her husband, Rives, it was a dark time.

 

“I felt pretty helpless,” Rives said. “It’s hard to watch someone you love go through that.”

 

The Capitol Building

 

More than 20 anti-abortion bills went through the 2024 Oklahoma Legislative Session.

 

Laralin, an adjunct instructor of psychology at Northwestern Oklahoma State University, grew up in Virginia, which has a vastly different political climate than the state of Oklahoma. For the past several years, especially since Roe v. Wade was overturned, the Oklahoma Legislature has been busy trying to pass anti-abortion legislation.

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"In Oklahoma, women do not have that right anymore."

-Trish Ranson

 

Rep. Trish Ranson, D-Stillwater, said some of these laws even restrict access when it comes to the life of the mother.

 

“Because of the fall of Roe v. Wade, it is a complete ban,” she said. “There is no access to abortion for the life of a mother. There is no access to abortion in case of rape or incest. There is no access for ectopic pregnancies. There is just none.”

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                                          Claire Thomas

 

Of the over 20 abortion-related bills that went through the session, some talked about miscarriages, aiding and abetting an abortion and restricting access to contraceptives.

 

“This further puts the woman’s role on the back burner,” Ranson said. “It is a concern, because as far as women’s rights, we need to make sure we have the right to bodily autonomy, the right to make our own decisions about our own healthcare and the right to seek healthcare that we need. In Oklahoma, women do not have that right anymore.”

 

The Doctor’s Office

 

Shelley Rauh had a full schedule of patients and no time for breaks.

 

When there are longer wait times in Oklahoma because of provider availability, Rauh said women’s health care suffers.

 

The bills going through legislature usually target broad topics, but, scientifically, there is more to understand. Rauh is an advanced practice registered nurse and a certified family nurse practitioner at Stillwater Women’s Clinic, and she said there are a lot of medical differences between abortions, miscarriages and other types of medical problems such as an ectopic pregnancy.

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                                                                                           Claire Thomas

 

A missed abortion, like the one Laralin experienced, is not the same compared to what the public may deem an abortion. There are other names such as natural or spontaneous abortion that fall under the umbrella of losing a pregnancy. Rauh said all of these are different, and it’s vital for women to ask questions and educate themselves on these processes.

 

“It's important for women to be advocates for themselves,” Rauh said. “Don't just assume that, well, they didn't say anything, everything's okay. Be an advocate for yourself. And early detection and preventative cares are huge.”

 

Rauh said there are so many things that can go wrong in a pregnancy that can cause a miscarriage or natural abortion. She expressed that a lot of things have to go perfectly to have a healthy pregnancy. Missed and natural abortions can happen from something as small as imbalanced hormones or a condition a woman isn’t familiar with.

 

“[People] don’t know the in-depth details of that particular pregnancy.” She said. “They’re just assuming rather than knowing.”

 

Every situation is unique and can’t be judged under one law or statute, Ranson said. She talked about how there are arguments over what constitutes an “emergency” to save the life of a mother in the House of Representatives. Ranson emphasized that these arguments are happening in courts and legislatures all over the country, especially in red states such as Oklahoma.

 

Some laws proposed in legislatures across the country, if ever passed, would look into miscarriages and if the situation had malicious intent. For Laralin, legal consequences were the last thing on her mind while going through her grieving process.

 

“It just didn't even cross my mind that there could have been, in the future, a situation where we could be looked at or scrutinized or investigated thoroughly for potential harm done to the pregnancy,” she said. “So that was, again, not even on our radar. I was so overcome with grief and pain physically and emotionally that there was not a single part of me that was thinking legally what that could mean as well.”

 

The Cemetery

 

Jaclyn King got to hold her daughter for only four hours.

 

Like Laralin, King would never wish this kind of feeling on anyone. Going through a natural abortion changed her outlook on life. King has an autoimmune disorder, which she thinks influenced her ability to carry her daughter.

 

At 22 weeks, there were complications with King’s pregnancy that caused her to start to have a natural abortion. She had a choice to make. She could choose to have a cesarean section and give Brooklyn, her daughter, the chance to live. For King, if there was a chance for life, there were no other options.

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"I was holding him, but I wanted to be holding her."

-Jaclyn King

 

King’s situation did not classify as a miscarriage because her daughter was able to live for almost five hours, but no mother should have to hold the death certificate of her child.

 

“She has a birth certificate, and she's got a death certificate,” she said. “She was actually born, and she lived. It was harder after my son was born. Because I was holding him, and I would cry. I was holding him, but I wanted to be holding her.

 

“It's gotten better. I can tell you, I'm still not the same. I don't think anybody's ever the same after something so traumatic.”

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                                                            Claire Thomas

 

She talked about how there needs to be a refocus of attention from women having miscarriages to better recovery efforts. Having more time off for moms and dads to be new parents and more time in the hospital to recover would help.

 

“I think you've got a lot of men who are lawmakers making laws for women that have no insight to women's reproductive systems and what our rights are,” King said.

 

King and Laralin both spoke on the fact that their experiences happened during COVID-19, when hospitals were almost impossible to get into, much less have your loved ones with you. For Laralin, the hardest part was that it felt like she was alone.

 

“But there's a lot of intrusive, negative thoughts about feeling like a failure and that your body's kind of designed to do this,” she said. “So, why isn't mine?”

 

King, a schoolteacher, said her recovery time was short before she had to go back to work, and it was unpaid. She had to go back to teaching in eight weeks. When King had her other daughter a few years earlier, she had to pay for a substitute teacher, so she could take an extra two weeks to be with her.

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"But there's a lot of intrusive, negative thoughts about feeling like a failure and that your body's kind of designed to do this...so, why isn't mine?"

-Laralin Worsham

 

She talked about how every situation around a woman’s pregnancy is different. She was able to share her story with close friends and in a Facebook group of women with similar experiences. For King, sharing her experience gave her comfort because she didn’t feel so alone anymore.

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                                                          Claire Thomas

 

“You know, Brooklyn’s story is now a story that can help somebody else who needs comfort,” King said. “And her story has already done that for a lot of close friends of mine who have experienced a loss.”

 

Laralin and Rives were able to find an outlet to grieve in their own way. They created a box where they were able to put things such as an ultrasound picture, flowers or other things that reminded them of what they loss to help them process the experience.

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Courtesy of Laralin Worsham 

 

For a period of time, Laralin worked at a pregnancy help center, where she was able to help other families create their own box and give them a space to process their own grief.

 

“You have to give yourself grace,” Laralin said. “If you were hopeful for your pregnancy and excited or had planned it, or even if it was unexpected, but you were so excited for that phase of life, you didn't do anything wrong. This isn't a reflection of your identity or something is abnormally wrong with you. So, just to be kind to yourself.”

 

The Newsroom

 

The grief overwhelmed me, and I cried alongside them.

 

Sometimes, you can write 1,000 words and it will never be enough to fully grasp someone’s experience with trauma and grief.

 

I could tell this story a million ways and still not put all of the information in. As a journalist, there’s always a hesitation that you aren’t telling someone’s story in the right way. That you may get it wrong or not do it justice.

 

The words for this story came easily to me, but that happens when you’re passionate about what you’re writing and when you feel the emotions your sources are feeling. Giving people an outlet to tell their story will always be my passion in life. Sometimes, though, it doesn’t always come in the form of a typical news article.

 

Laralin sent me a notes screenshot after her interview, and it is of a poem. She wrote this poem, but never printed it to put in her box because it made her so sad. She has not shared it with anyone until now. Nothing I could write could convey what this poem does, but I hope I have done some semblance of justice to the people in this story.

 

It’s hard to find the words to say

When all you longed for was given, then taken away

 

To quite possibly never understand

Why I won’t feel your tiny fingers grasping my hand

 

Would you have looked like me or looked like him?

My light within now seems dim

 

You knew of no hurt, knew of no harm

Welcomed home into Jesus’ arms

 

Life doesn’t stop for a heart that aches

But I know my God is One who will not forsake

 

Our child you are, our child you’ll be

Never forgotten our family of three

 

-Laralin Worsham